There was a time in middle-ish school (I’m horrendous when it comes to recalling any dates, other than my children’s birthdays….) that the goofy boys in our class started a word-association language all their own.
They would try and converse using associations so the girls and teachers within earshot wouldn’t catch on to their ridiculousness. Yeah, total goofballs.
As I have always been proud of my sports knowledge, I was particularly proud the day I cracked one of their codes. It wasn’t THAT hard. They kept using “James” when referring to themselves in regards to women and their test grades, in that order.
“We aren’t James…..”
First time I heard it I knew……the number one NBA draft pick in 1982……James……WORTHY.
They WEREN’T James, that’s for damn sure. They spent more time concocting sentences to use those word associations than they did on their grades or girls.
I actually had this memory come to me tonight as I’m in deep reflection this week. There are days that are just so full of bs and challenges that I wonder if I’m doing the right thing anymore. Making the right choices.
Am I James?
Where do these tough, no-nonsense, cut-you-out-of-their-life-at-first-screw-up- people get that edge? Is it a gene? Is it an invisible shield? Was there a sale on Emotional Armor at Target and I missed it? A Diagon Alley-esque trinket they carry in their purse or pocket? Or is it a facade??
You know what I mean…that trait that separates the weak from The (seemingly) STRONG. Emotional strength. Being able to cut off people when they need to be cut off. Yea….I don’t have that gene.
I will give you 75 chances to hurt me. Lunacy? Probably. Are you James? That’s your question to answer. I’ll see something good in someone and I’ll hold on to that MF’in glimpse-of-goodness like it’s the last pocket of oxygen on earth. I want to think that everyone has the same kind of heart that I do. That is my weakness. They don’t.
I refuse to let go and let people get what they deserve. I’m a nurse, I try to save people. But, Maybe, it’s time for me to start believing that, at 52.5 years——————I AM JAMES.
YOU are James, too.
Let’s not forget it. Let’s not let each other forget it. Not now, not ever. We are worthy of Love, Acceptance, Kindness, Peace, Happiness and all that is good in the world. People can only suck the life out of us if we hand them the straw.
Tell your people that you love them so often that it almost seems weird.
Can anyone really hear that enough these days? Sprinkle it everywhere. Love.
And, next time you spot that sale on visceral armor at Target, let this girl know.
Love,
Stace
Breaking the Spin Cycle 