We have heard it a zillion times from half as many sources…..we must love ourself before we are ever capable of truly loving another.
Seems so simple…”I like my hair today…my bank account is pretty good…..I don’t have many creditors calling me….I am a good parent”. Wherever we are with our goals in life, our own evaluations. Surface, obvious acceptance = “self love.” Maybe? But let’s get real, here.
Do we look at this task of “learning to self love” as a checklist of what a potential partner might be looking for or are we actually taking a hard look at loving the person in the mirror? The whole person, beautiful flaws and all? Loving ourself for the reason of loving ourself, not as a step to finding love with someone else. Investing in ourselves first.
The dating apps today make us all so dispensable. Knowing that you’re not only being judged by your “cover pic”, “profile content”and the texted responses before you ever meet a person is not for those faint of heart. Texting has replaced the old “first date.” Void of emotion, the words on the screen represent everything about you. Blah blah blah. When you’ve lost interest? You can just delete the other person and move on. No need to say a word. Gone. Ghosted.
I have a few good guy friends who share dating woes with me. I’ve seen my “competition” on the apps, pictures that are enticing and salacious, the above the head angle with the cleavage. Filters galore. I may or may not have posted some of these as well, but, it was advertising in the game. Does anyone post a picture of themself right out of bed in the am? Hell no. Made up, boobs up, staged pictures, some of these are professionally taken. Posts of people with celebrities or better looking friends….why? What are we trying to connect with and why do we think the truth won’t come out? I know that there are people out there who only want to text and talk. That’s ok if that’s all that you want, too.
Believe me, I’m writing about my own experiences. Many friends have shared their experiences as well. Jilted, led on, catfished (really wtf is the purpose of that?!)…it’s happened to everyone and we’ve wasted time with people who aren’t authentic. Have there been days that I felt like a million bucks because 10 guys were texting me through an app? Such an ego boost. Have I felt jilted because someone deleted me that I thought I had “chemistry” with? Devastated. It’s the social version of crack–the highs are addictively high and the lows are depressingly low.
My point is that it’s a dangerous game if you don’t care about yourself first. You can lose your identity in an instant inside of a virtual world. Is it necessary? It’s certainly where everyone is at one point or another. “Gotta get back out there…..” All I’m saying here is make sure that you are strong and sure of what you want before you venture out into the land of the Swipers. Look at it as a way to get back to meeting people. Lower your expectations and just be safe.
It’s okay to step away from it all if you feel pressured or overwhelmed. After all, this is your chance to really focus on an intimate relationship with the person you will always be able to depend on…….YOU.
Love yourself most today,
Stace
Breaking the Spin Cycle 